I was looking through my old blog for fun and ran into a post about 電車男. Though the post is over 2 years old and the height of 電車男’s popularity is long past, the original story (with some commentary) as it unfolded in the 2ch BBS is archived and still around for anybody to read for free (on a geocities account no less).

If you’re not familiar with the immensely popular 2ちゃんねる BBS, it’s basically an non-threaded forum where everybody posts anonymously. There are no “fancy” features like registration and passwords. You can put whatever name you want, so most times, you have no idea who is saying what. This and the crappy UI from the 90s makes for an experience I’d like to call “craptastic”. Fortunately, the archived version of the original content has been edited and neatly organized for us.

In this post, I’ll take a quick sneak peek of the beginning to introduce you to the story. Before you decide to read it for yourself, I should warn you that it’s full of internet slang that would probably be useless anywhere except… the internet. Ok then, let’s look at the first section!

Mission.1　めしどこかたのむ

731 名前：Mr.名無しさん 投稿日：04/03/14 21:25

すまん。俺も裏ぐった。
文才が無いから、過程は書けないけど。

このスレまじで魔力ありすぎ…
おまいらにも光あれ…

It begins with a cryptic message from Nameless-san on a random thread in March 2004. It’s impossible to know what he’s talking about without the previous messages but we can discern that he betrayed something somehow （裏ぐる is apparently internet typo/slang for 裏切る）. The commentator helpfully adds that it was just an “ordinary thread with nothing special” anyhow.

たいして内容のないこのレスが、この後絶大な支持支援を得るスレに発展しようとは、誰も想像しなかったに違いない。

His first message saying he can’t say how he betrayed [whatever] because he has not talent in literature gets people wondering what happened. One person asks whether he got a girlfriend. He replies no but it’s a big chance. He’s obviously flustered because he then retracts his earlier statement and says he needs to calm down.

733 名前：Mr.名無しさん 投稿日：04/03/14 21:28

きになる

734 名前：Mr.名無しさん 投稿日：04/03/14 21:28

>>731
彼女が出来たのか？

737 名前：Mr.名無しさん 投稿日：04/03/14 21:33

>>734
違うけど。でも大チャンス
こういうこと続くとネタにしか聞こえないよな
とにかくおまいら外に出てみろ

738 名前：Mr.名無しさん 投稿日：04/03/14 21:35

ごめん。よく考えたら大チャンスじゃなかった…＿|￣|○
冷静になれ俺…

Finally, somebody tells him to give all the details. キボン is internet slang for 希望.

739 名前：Mr.名無しさん 投稿日：04/03/14 21:36

>>737
これを打つのも何度目だろう、

　　詳　細　ｷ　ﾎﾞ　ﾝ

Finally, he reluctantly agrees to write about what happened. Because he has been only 「ロムる」ing, meaning “Read-Only Member” or what we call a “lurker”, he asks that he not be laughed at.

740 名前：731 投稿日：04/03/14 21:38

>>739
上手く書けないけど
ちょっと書いてみる。
ロムってたばかりの俺だからさ…
笑わないでくれよ…

At this point, he isn’t even known as 電車 and is writing as 731, the number of his first post (remember they’re all anonymous).
Here’s how the story begins.

749 名前：731 投稿日：04/03/14 21:55

今日は秋葉に行ってきた。特に買う物無かったんだけど
帰りの電車の車中で酔っ払いの爺さんがいた。
その車両には座席の端で座ってる俺と爺さん以外は殆ど女性。
２０代～４０代くらいかな。

その爺さんが、周りの女性客達に絡み始めた。
最初に若い女性に絡んだんだが、その人はすごい気が強くて
爺さんを一喝して次の駅でさっさと降りていった。
その時、俺は迷惑な奴だなぁとチラチラ様子を見てた。

爺さんは次に俺の座っている座席に来て、真ん中らへんに
座ってるおばさん数人に絡み始める。
「携帯使ったらただじゃおかねーぞ」
みたいなこと言ってビビらせてたと思う。
おばさん達は（´･ω･`)←こんな感じで押し黙ってしまった。

なんか長くなりそう。

766 名前：731 投稿日：04/03/14 22:23

おばさん達はそのままじっと下向いて
「関わらない方が良い」という感じだった。
すると、爺さんはまた訳の分からないことをわめきつつ
「女は黙って男に使われてりゃいいんだよ」
みたいなことを言って、手をおばさんの顔に持っていって顎を掴んだ。
俺はさすがにマズいと思って、勇気を振り絞ってちょっと叫んだ
「おい、やめろよ！」と。きっと声震えてた。
俺、喧嘩とかしたことなかったし。
それでも爺さんに聞こえてなかったらしく、反応無し。
「おい！あんただよ！やめろっていってるぎうこｈくえほｐ！」
必死にもう一度叫ぶ。そこでおばさんが「いいから、大丈夫だから」と
立ち上がった俺を制する。爺さんはようやく気付いたらしく
俺の方を向く。
「さっきからジロジロ見やがって…」
と睨み付けられた。

千鳥足で俺の座席の前までやってくる。
「あぁん、お前幾つだ？」
「２２だ！」
「俺はなぁ６０こいえおヴぃえそいｖ」
何言ってるかよく分からなかったけど、大体「若いくせに生意気な」
みたいな感じのことを言ってきた。
「なんだ？やるのか？やるのか？」
爺さんはもう喧嘩腰だった。
「ﾊｱ？何をですか？警察呼びますよ」
「警察でもなんでも呼べじょふげｇ」
そうのたまりながら、手を振りかざしてきた。
手元が狂ったらしく、俺の隣に座ってる女性に手が当たった。
と言っても、平手がかすったくらいだけど。

どうやって文章って短くするんですか…？（´･ω:;.:…

772 名前：731 投稿日：04/03/14 22:37

「キャッ！」とその女性客が後ろに退いた。
俺は無我夢中で立ち上がって爺さんの両腕を掴んだ。
その隙におばさん達の一人が車掌さんを呼びに行ったのが見えた。

その時、騒ぎに気が付いた隣の車両にいた２０代後半くらいの
サラリーマンが助けに来てくれた。揉み合う俺と爺さんを見るなり
爺さんを後ろから羽交い締めにする。
「あぁ、わかったわかった。そんな若い子に絡むなよ」
さすが人生の先輩だった。刺激せずになだめる事を知ってる。
「俺が押さえてるから、君はもう座りなさい」
俺もかなり興奮してたから、そのサラリーマンについでに
なだめられてしまった。爺さんはそのサラリーマンには
全然脅しかけないでやんの。自分より強いと思ったからなんだろうな
俺は舐められてたんだなと何故か悔しくなるヽ(`Д´)ﾉ

俺が座る隣の女性が
「迷惑な人ですね」
と、俺に声をかけてきた。
「本当迷惑です」
もっと気の利いたこと言えよ俺。＿|￣|○

疲れた…＿|￣|○

Whew! And that’s how he first met the person we’ll only ever know as エルメス. I think that’s enough for now so I’ll end it here. But to sum up, at the end of the incident she asks him for his address and later sends him a thank-you gift for his braveness and chivalry. More importantly, the receipt for the delivery has her number on it! What will you do 電車?!!

Conclusion

I think it’s really cool that parts of the original threads are still available for free online especially since I believe there’s a book out as well. If you don’t mind weeding through internet slang and banter, I’m sure there’s a lot of good primary reading material here. Otherwise, be sure to check out the drama and/or movie. I haven’t watched the movie but the drama was pretty good. They sure did pick a nerdy guy for the main character.

電車男 is one of those perfect nerd fantasies where the main character meets a beautiful women in a chance encounter and through luck and perseverance ends up 「ゲットする」ing the girl. What makes this story special is that it was originally told on an internet forum and with input from regular netizens along the way. Plus, it’s real as far as I know. I think we’re all curious about what エルメス looks like!

In addition, the time and effort people put into cheering 電車 on is very touching. The graphics are simply amazing as well! Who says you need fancy features like image uploads or BB code?!

Let me know what’s going on now!

Japan is a country where everybody goes from one crazy fad to the next such as ヨン様 (ugh…), Hard Gay, and 涼宮ハルヒの憂鬱. 電車男 was certainly a media phenomenon in its day spawning a book, movie, drama, manga, and even appearing in theater.

I haven’t been in Japan in over a year and I’m a bit out of touch so please let me know about any new fads going on!

「秋葉」 used to be Tokyo’s biggest electronic district. I say, “used to” because it has been steadily turning into something shadier over the years.

「秋葉」(short for 「秋葉原」) is pretty much a geek’s paradise. There are all sorts of games and electronic stores including the massive 「ヨドバシカメラ」, which was newly built not too long ago.

Well, it turns out that there are two different categories of geeks: the technology geek and the creepy geek. 秋葉 used to be for the technology geeks, guys who were into gadgets, software, and hardware. But it turns out many geeks have interests in another realm, which I can only describe as “shady”.

I go through 秋葉 everyday on my commute but I decided to take my commuter’s pass, go over there on a weekend, and actually look around and explore the neighborhood. What I found out was that probably about half of the businesses there now cater to the “dark side” of the geek population.

First of all, there were mountains of porn. What looked like perfectly normal stores would suddenly have a whole floor for porn. Some stores had a whole floor just for animated porn. Scratch that, some stores were for animated porn! You can’t find this kind of selection for this type of stuff anywhere else in the world. (Incidentally, just to be clear, I didn’t actually look around or purchase anything. In fact, I didn’t even go inside, I could pretty much tell what it was from the staircase. Just to be clear.)

Besides the monumental amount of porn, 秋葉 is increasingly turning more fetish-like. I can’t explain this any better than saying one word: 「萌え」. 「萌え」 is kind of like “ubuntu” in that it represents a whole concept and therefore doesn’t have any specific definition. The similarity totally ends there though. Let’s see what we can find out about this word on the net.

(If you want to learn more about 「萌え」, you can also check out the Japanese wikipedia entry on 「萌え」. It’s so extensive, it’s practically a research paper.)

萌えとは

一般に「架空のキャラクターに対する愛情」として理解されることが多い。が、マスコミ的にはオタク全般に対するイメージと合わさり、歪んだ伝搬をされることもしばしばである。なぜか萌え＝メイドさん、のニュアンスが付加されるなど。
(from はてな)

「なぜか萌え＝メイドさん」 Ahh yes, the maids. As a fellow male, I just cannot understand the attraction of maids. I mean, these maid costumes completely cover the body with layers and layers of clothing. Yawn. And yet 秋葉 has totally been taken over by maid cafes, called 「メード喫茶」, for reasons beyond my comprehension. Let’s take a look at this list of maid cafes. CURE MAID CAFE in 秋葉原、ひよこ家 in 秋葉原、Cafe Mai:lish… 秋葉原、Cos-Cha hmm… 秋葉原？ 秋葉原 isn’t even that big a place but I bet the list doesn’t even come close to covering all the maid cafes in 秋葉原.

Cuter without the maid costume?
(from Cafe Mai:lish)

Worse, the maids have started branching into other industries such as 萌バーガー, a burger shop and even a hair salon called moesham. (Notice the use of 「萌え」 in both store names)

The 萌え phenomenon and 2ちゃんねる* have spawned a new class of vocabulary. My favorite is 「ツンデレ」, which comes from 「ツンツン」 and 「デレデレ」. I love it because, Yahoo, of all the places, has the funniest definition ever.

ツンデレ （つんでれ）

アニメや漫画のキャラクターの傾向を表す語。普段はツンツンしているヒロインが、恋人と2人きりになるとデレッとかわいくなること。アニメの主人公のキャラクターとして求めていたものだが、実際に自分が付き合う女性に対しても、こうした性格を求めるようになっている。ツンツンして取っつきにくいのに、付き合いを始めると実はしおらしくていつの間にかデレデレとしてくることを求めるのである。しかし、現実にはそうした二面性をもった女性を、オタクの男性がゲットすることはきわめてむずかしいとみられる。
(from Yahoo!辞書)

Basically, 「ツンデレ」 characterizes a common manga/anime female character who is aloof and cold （ツンツン） but becomes all lovey-dovey （デレデレ） when she is alone with the boy she likes. The definition above explains it much better though. The last sentence is the best because it’s worded so seriously and yet is a total smackdown on the オタク nerds who have no real chance with such a girl.

I’ve actually heard rumors of 「ツンデレ・カフェ」. Apparently there was a 「ツンデレ・イベント」 this March. I guess the maids are rude when you walk in and nice when you leave? Hmm… might be the next big thing.

Conclusion

I’m going to conclude here, now that I’ve managed to brilliantly turn this into a language lesson. So I’ll just put this into the “Vocabulary” category and end yet another educational post. (What? You didn’t realize that the whole point of this post was to explore the exciting Japanese language?) I’m not entirely sure if it is appropriate for the “Culture” category though.

あばよ！

*2ちゃんねる is basically the most poorly designed BBS in the history of the world. I mean, I tried using it once but had to stop because the user interface induced me into a temporary coma. The popularity of this website is yet another mystery I’ll never understand.